we contain aesthetic multitudes

on finding your brand and your profile picture

Some of you may have noticed. I updated my instagram profile picture. Don’t stress, don’t leave to go find it. It’s right here baby:

I don’t see it lasting too long. But hey, what do I know? I have been threatening to do a couple photoshoots soon with friends or friends of friends or just anyone who will have me so that I can start replacing all the old photos in my digital ouvré with new ones. I’m talking high-concept, low-budget photoshoots that are gonna really knock your socks off. Lately though, and primarily due to my profound unemployment, all of my threats to make big moves such as these have carried the suspicious essence of a 30-something who takes lots of boys trips to Miami, has “entrepreneur” in his instagram bio and promises he’s gonna be the next Jeff Bezos. We’ll believe it when we see it, buddy.

Despite my lack of nice, shiny new headshots, something came over me this afternoon and I simply had to act. Some unknowable, intangible aspect of my former profile picture felt suddenly and VIOLENTLY incongruent with my true self. It HAD to be replaced. After a lengthy scroll through the ole camera roll I settled on this one because it was a little confusing and I felt, at that moment, a little confused.

It’s difficult, this work of curating an outward digital persona, especially when you are an artist. It’s one of the most intense logistical struggles I find we have contend with: how do you “brand yourself” so that people show up and read your shit? (Or listen to your music or watch your movies etc.) Some of us get more stuck on it than others. The medium is the message and all that. But the point remains that nowadays, people don’t buy your book if they don’t know who you are. And so, like any good writer, you have to show not tell.

I think my confusion comes partially from a belief that how I clothe my digital persona feels more important than it is and for the wrong reasons. It’s important because, as aforementioned, it helps people believe in a version of you that they can follow, buy from, and pay attention to. And hopefully you’re offering something worth their attention. But it’s simultaneously NOT important because it ISN’T in fact a reflection of How G-d Intended You To Be. I get the two mixed up, I think. Or it feels like I’m getting them mixed up when I can’t decide on a profile picture.

Tik tok and instagram are the main polluters of my aesthetics-related vocabulary. (I could write a whole other essay on how the word “aesthetic” itself has been beaten and battered on the internet over the past few years but I’ll abstain. For now.) With things like “cottage core” and “southern gothic aesthetic” and even, to my delight “2016 tumblr core” taking the virtual crowd by storm, it’s difficult not to let my fashion sense, and by extension my virtual branding sense, melt into a puddle of drool.

If I had to tik tokify this profile picture’s vibe I would call it Tex Mex Gothic. I’ve got on a fringe red suede jacket thrown over a scant black matching set. The glossy brick interiors of Salsa & Beer in the valley holding my pale, glowing form in its dark, protective shroud. The enchiladas wait patiently to be devoured. Obviously, my breasts are a little out. It’s a little fun, a little who cares, a little oopsie daisies.

To wrap things up, I’ve come up with a list of other aesthetics I could go for next to see how they land for me. Maybe one will hold the secret answer to my existential digital vertigo:

• hippy mom corporate

• vons siren

• shabby clean

• techno-hemian

• hipster couture

• pin-up butch

• e-minimalist

• condo core

I’ll leave you here for now. Thanks for reading xoxoxo